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Writings On Embodiment

Lessons From the Salmon for a Traumatized World   (OR: Embodiment Also Means Changing Relationships to Land and Knowledge)

12/10/2025

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Picturephoto credit: https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/salmon-run-to-return-on-klamath-river-in-california-as-dam-removal-begins/
Dear Friends,

As the year approaches its end, I wanted to share some of my reflections about embodiment and its connections that have been living in me this year.

In October I experienced the immense delight of watching the salmon run the river and waterfalls, travelling from the ocean far upstream in the fresh water to reproduce. In certain areas where the river was more still and shallow, it was thick with salmon resting, waiting for the moment to continue upstream. Then they would suddenly swim, and throw themselves many meters out of the rapids, trying to climb the (natural) waterfall ladders. Often, they would just miss, sometimes crashing into the cliffs, or getting pulled back down river by the rapids so strong in places that they would smash or drown a human quickly.

But the song in their salmon bodies is even stronger than rapids, and it pulls them to defy gravity again and again, to keep going on their path, following the call to return. What is more amazing is that in some rivers, the salmon have been following this pull in their bodies to places they haven’t been “home” to in generations. 

In 2023, work began to tear down the 4 dams on the Klamath river (a river that runs between California and Oregon states, on unceded Klamath, Modoc, Yurok, Karuk, and Yahooskin Indigenous lands). The dams had disrupted and altered the natural ecosystem for over a century, which severly impacted salmon populations. The dam removal was the result of decades of work by the Indigenous nations of the area, with support by environmental groups. Just one year ago the last dam removal was complete. Astonishingly, within just a few weeks, the salmon began to return to the first part of the river! Now the water quality of the whole river has improved, and algae blooms (a sign of imbalance) have decreased. 

Even the plants and trees care that the salmon are back! In the past few decades studies have scientifically reaffirmed the Native peoples' knowledge about the importance of the salmon to the whole ecological systems; the nutrients salmon of salmon bodies provide not only for humans and other animals, but also for plants, trees, and mycelium systems in the interdependent forest ecosystem. Years where there were abundant (and lacking) salmon migrations can be measured in tree ring growth, even at trees some distance from rivers and streams, due to the huge increase in nutrients in the years with many salmon!

This year, just one year after the last dam removal, something even more amazing happened, and many thousand salmon reached their inland ancestral spawning grounds, beyond the last dam's location! Salmon live in the oceans for anywhere from 1.5 – 8 years before returning upriver to their birth sites to spawn (after which they die).  Which means that miraculously, after 20 – 40 generations, the salmon still  could follow the deep call in their bodies, and still found their way home! 

Picturecredit: @estudio.144k
                                                                         ~ ~ ~​

What parts of own human pasts have we been been cut off from, across many generations? How does that rupture live in our bodies, and through our daily habits and ways of being in the world?

...When I was in Berlin in June, I took a short trip north to Bremen, where one set of my great-grandparents are from. Though I'd never been to Bremen before, as soon as I got there something in me knew the place, had a wildly clear sense of returning (to part of) home. While this isn't logical to my Western-trained mind, my body just felt inexplicable joy. I also feel some curiosity about the fact that 15 years ago I felt drawn to live in Germany before knowing that my heritage was well over half German. When my great-grandparents immigrated to the US in the beginning of the 20th century, amid fears of anti-immigrant discrimination against Germans in the beginning of the 20th century and during the World Wars, they made choices to assimilate their children (under threats against language use) into Anglo-whiteness for a sense of safety in privilege. And thus, living in Germany, I got to meet some aspects of my cultural history and the language that had been completely cut off during my grandmother's upbringing. 

I now feel a similar deep pull in my body to be in relation with these mountains here in the Pacific Northwest, the volcanic Cascade (or Yamakiasham Yaina) range. A large part of my decision to move last year was to follow this "illogical" pull. To be able to show up with my body to listen and learn from these specific lands and mountains, to cultivate relationship based in listening and accountability.  

Western white supremacist-colonialist-patriarchal-capitalistic notions of linear time, individualistic limits to memory and knowledge, and dominance over nature are incompatible with such cross-generational and relation-based connections to land. But indigenous worldviews of time as more cyclical and relational, types of knowledge and memory as collective, and land as relation attest to more interconnected possibilities. And the salmon show us this is not just possible, but one powerful reality of embodied existence. 

I decided to cancel my trip to Berlin that was planned for November/December this year due to the opposite forces: separation, supremacy, violence, forgetting. Recent government orders here have redefined all that I aspire to embody (antifascism, anticapitalism, critiques of binary-gender, and antiracism) as 'domestic terrorism', while arrests (by police/ICE in the US and UK) and routine brutal beatings and arrests (by police in Berlin) continue to target people objecting to genocide and settler-colonialism. The US is currently compiling 'terrorist watch lists' of people involved in non-violent community solidarity actions. While I was making this decision there were also attempts to pass a law to confiscate passports of US citizens for these things (it didn’t pass but seems likely to sneak into another law at a later point). It didn’t seem like a super wise choice to be crossing borders at the moment when it isn't necessary for me, and while there are other ways I can continue to use my voice and body to resist (and to remember) here. It was a difficult decision because I am sad to not be there and to miss the chance to touch in with each of you in person. I hope to be able to come soon. 

Picturecredit: @traumatized_thriving
                                                                         ~ ~ ~​

There’s a quote about fascism being colonialism turned inward. But in this country, colonialism—or fascism by this logic— has never not been turned inward. (If you don't know: Hitler copied many of the methodological, legal, and propaganda templates from the United State's centuries of expertise in ethnic cleansing and genocide of Indigenous peoples, as well as the justifications for Black enslavement and apartheid between races.) The government here may currently be copying aspects of this well-recognized fascism back, but it has also never stopped for many people who live on these lands. These centuries of fascism have just often spared white folks the full impact of its violence as the reward for ignoring (passively supporting) or actively participating in brutality against, and theft of and from Black and Indigenous peoples.  

The rising fascism here and around the world is awful; AND: it's horrifyingly "normal", depending on whose voices get to tell their stories, depending on whose traumas count. Depending on whose lives and dignity matter.

I hope that at least as the danger of these systems begins to be obvious to many more folks previously insulated by privilege and its propaganda, there will be more awareness that there can be no true democracy, safety nor liberation while the gears of colonialism continue to turn through our societies and through all our bodies and minds. 

Centuries of colonialial trauma and conditioning have made it "common sense" to be disconnected from our bodies and nature, and "normal" to live in fear of scarcity, to compete for dominance. It is the waters we were born swimming in. We have been conditioned for generations to participate in whatever ways are sold to us (including silence) in the dehumanization and dominance of others and the land. Perhaps with a taste of profit or power-over as a reward. Perhaps a mirage of safety - like my ancestors chose - in the moments the target is aimed at someone else. 

Participation in systems of dominance is also reinforced by the avoidance of deeply held shame about ways we, and/or ancestors, were perpetrators of violence. Sometimes we stay stuck in ignorance or denial of facts in order to not have to feel the immense sadness and pain of the past harms. But we can also avoid feeling it by fixating on just the intellectual understanding of past wrongs. Which - within disembodied, intellect-privileging paradigms - seems like learning from the past. But without fully feeling, without ongoing space for grieving the  harms we or ancestors have done (and what we lost because of that), we can't think our way into embodied accountability. Instead, shame (which is embodied whether we are able to be with it or not!) becomes stuck as a shadow part, which continues cycles of denial, projection, and harm. Generation by generation.

But the salmon remember the way that was blocked for so many generations.

And the land remembers the salmon too. I imagine the trees (in their own slow and subtle tree-ways) are celebrating the salmon's return.

                                                                         ~ ~ ~
​

​Embodiment means remembering, reconnecting to fragmented parts of our wholeness. It ALSO means changing our conditioned relationship to land.

In Cartesian dualism (with roots in Plato), it's mind over matter. Bodies are separate, mechanistic, nature-bound. Humans are unique in soul and consciousness, and "matter" of all kinds is meant to be used, subjugated and dominated.  In this ideology, the "matter" of certain bodies is exploited in order to exploit the "matter" of land.

But these exploitative hierarchies didn't just appear in philosophy and suddenly become the intellectual status quo of Western/Colonial societies. Not by coincidence, Descartes "Thought, therefore he was" superior during fervent years of colonization, genocides and mass enslavement. His philosophy both grew out of and further justified the dominance ideologies of his milieu. The embodiment and land-connections of Indigenous peoples from different continents was cited as evidence of "primitiveness," "backwardness," "being uncivilized"; thus, not fully human. (Side intersectionalism note: Women are also more closely associated with body and nature than "rational" men. And colonialism and the creation of racial categories exported and reinforced strict gender binaries, and vice versa - see, for example, the book The Gender Binary and the Invention of Race by Sally Markowitz ).

The ideological fragmentations of mind/body and human/land were not just a philosophical thought, rather they were enacted over centuries through bloody subjugation, theft, mass kidnappings, torture, and extreme exploitation. They were violently enforced by and through our ancestor's lived experiences. Which became the current world, and the paradigms that we live in. They carry on through us, unless we work to break the cycles. 

For almost all of us, our bodies' relationship to land was traumatically ruptured in past generations from the communities, rhythms, rituals, and sometimes even languages that were rooted in a relationship of belonging to the land. As Resma Menakem speaks about in his book My Grandmother's Hands, these ruptures are unhealed generational traumas that nearly everyone carries, though in importantly different ways.

For most of the European settlers to the Americas, for example, their own relationship to the land had already been ruptured, through waves of internal-European colonization, crusades, and then as the remaining "commons" were made illegal and privatized during the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries (which was accompanied by further cycles of witch hunts of those who resisted and continued to honor the traditional healing approaches, land relationships, matriarchal aspects, and collectivism). “Denied access to the former commons … for the first time in human history, the majority of Europeans depended for their livelihood on a small wealthy minority, a phenomenon that capitalist-based colonialism would spread worldwide.”  writes Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz in An Indigenous People's History of the US.

No longer rooted in the communal land practices and its collective survival, some people left completely in order to become settler-colonialists in the "new world", projecting that trauma of disconnection into power-OVER others and land. They became part of the violent, colonial creation of "whiteness" and the modern categories of race by Anglo settler-colonialists (and later other Europeans - both settlers and those in the European continent - who over time gained access to the power to dominate by 'becoming white' through adapting ideology and behaviors to white supremacist culture, - or see this book). The trauma of internal European rupture from land escalated brutally onward through the new collective identity of "white" bodies. WEB Du Bois named it the “new religion of whiteness” that spread in both the colonies and in Europe; white supremacy became an opiate for people hungry for lost dignity, identity, community and security.

Through generations and generations these ungrieved traumas have continued to violently enforce systems of disconnection and supremacy.

Part of embodiment is remembering the land, learning to hear the wisdom and relationships there again. Which cannot be done without acknowledging and beginning to unwind some of the psychological and generational traumas and paradigms of white supremacy and colonialism (which is obviously different work for racialized and for white bodies).  Whatever various identities we embody, and whatever roles our various ancestors played in the last 500 years of white supremacist cispatriarchal capitalist dehumanization, land exploitation, and genocides, how can we begin to take accountability NOW for these traumas passed down in our bones, and through all the direct and subtle conditioning in families,  society, and our personal experiences?
                                                                     ~ ~ ~

These traumas and ideologies all live and cycle onward through our bodies as we move through the world. What can we do now to break these cultural and generational cycles of rupture from land and wisdom and our wholeness and each other? 


Dehumanizing anyone disconnects all of us from our wholeness and inherent dignity. Ecocide and exploitation of the land for profit disconnects all of us from our birthright of being part of the land and each other (which is the opposite of claiming a birthright in order to violently colonize and exploit land).

How can we take accountability now for the many ongoing genocides of indigenous peoples? 

Where do we subtly continue to agree with, or stay silent around aspects of dehumanization and colonialism? What parts of ourselves and the earth are we continuing to disconnect from by doing that? 

.... If we are willing to sit and learn to listen, our bodies start to speak to us of all of this... first in languages of pain, of fear, of anger, of shame, of immense grief… If we are able to continue to return to listening (with time for integration and rest to not trigger fight/flight and disconnection patterns), our bodies begin to share other layers of remembering: insights, wisdom, healing, impulses for movement and actions.


This usually needs many forms of support to hold and integrate. (I'm available for Zoom somatic sessions if I can support your exploration in that way.) There is so much that has been lost and that continues to be harmed that we must grieve, in ourselves and collectively, remembering the possibilities of connection through loving presence with truth. To re-member: to come back to the memories that have been lost. Like the water and the salmon meeting again, they are still here, waiting to tell their stories. 

May we be willing, and may we keep learning how to listen and be changed by that listening. 
​
And, as we rest with the Winter Darkness approaching the end of the calendar year...

May all our different cultural and faith traditions celebrating the light in the darkness of these times support us to also honor - through both listening and learning and actions - the light in each other's humanity, and in the land that holds us all.

Happy Holidays, Happy Solstice, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Happy Shab-e Yalda, Happy Lailat al Miraj, Happy Kwanza, Merry Yuletide, Happy Makara Sankrānti, Happy Bodhi Day, Happy New Year !!


🕯️🕯️🕯️


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"Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread within it. Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect."
~ Chief Seattle

“When you hear the words decolonization, white supremacy, patriarchy or even racism, do you feel something? Do you get a chill down your back, randomly start crossing your arms, get tense all over your body, or even just feel an urge to resist? Well good! When your body is cold it shivers, when it’s hungry it growls, when it’s in fear it shakes and when it’s sad it cries. Your body is meant to respond, whether that be physical or emotional, and it’s the same when deconstructing what you’ve been taught. It tells you that something is there and that you must go through it and find ways to process it.”
~Kris Archie, Executive Director of the Circle on Philanthropy and Aboriginal Peoples
​

​What does it mean to re-cultivate an embodied and respect-based relationship of belonging to the land and each other ? 

​
What does it mean and how does it feel in body, in heart, in nervous system, to work on unbuilding the "dams" that have conditioned our body-minds into hierarchies, the dams within us and around us that uphold systems of injustice and separation and domination (whether intentional or not) ? In order to work on unbuilding them, do you know where they are (metaphorically) and what they feel like (physiologically and energetically) in body, heart, nervous system, society? How does that actually feel when we run into that, or someone else does? Internally? Externally?  What is the flavor of that? What is the energy? How does our body react? 


Really... what is the felt-sense of these walls we have built or inherited (usually both), that fragment and attempt to control and dominate? And what do we have to let go of, or give "back", or heal, or take accountability for, or listen to or re-learn in order to be able to unbuild.  

And...


...What is the feeling of  the body "remembering" ? 


What does it mean to follow the deeper currents our bodies-hearts-bones hold, and explore the slow journey upstream ? 

Swimming the songs of embodied return.
​
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On Tuning In, Not Tuning Out: How Being Regulated and Grounded Won't Always Feel "Good" Right Now

5/15/2025

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I've been thinking lately about the difference between tuning in and tuning out.  And about how everything – including notions of mindfulness and regulation that are based in teachings of connection – can be twisted and sanitized, or even weaponized, through the already-embedded distortions of white supremacist capitalism, or by fresh propaganda they spin to patch the cracks, to disconnect us from each other, to keep us docile.

​To keep us complicit.

Trying to stay always calm and happy within systems of brutality, abuse, and oppression means tuning out our pain and that of others, which means disconnecting from our bodies, where we feel this pain and know the wrongness. “Regulation” of the nervous system doesn’t mean always staying calm (in Buddhism this is equinimity's "near enemy" of indifference/passivity). It’s definitely not always being in control of things, or always following the rules or social norms, or always being happy. But rather, it's an ability to be with what is, including when it’s uncomfortable and painful, and from that basis of feeling how things are, allowing the movement to respond, in feelings, in words, in actions. Regulation isn't stillness. Healthy regulation means things can move, including between emotions and nervous system states; it is a tuning in, not tuning out. A returning to oneself, again and again; to one's body, one's values, one's wisdom, and one's abilities to feel and speak with authenticity, truth and solidarity.

From this perspective, embodiment can mean taking responsibilities for our own layers, history, and aliveness. Practicing releasing what's not ours (generational, social, norms, feelings, reactivities), while taking accountability for what is our (feelings, words, actions, impact on others, privileges and their history, values).
 
And right now in this world, tuning in, staying open, staying connected to oneself and empathy means feeling the pain of the immense brutality and injustice and atrocities that continue to mount. The writer/humanist/anti-racist teacher Ijeoma Oluo reminds in aPrentis Hemphill Becoming the People podcast episode that "a genocide is supposed to be upsetting. It is supposed to be unbearable. We aren't supposed to be able to bear these things.... and the world tries so hard to pull us away from our bodies and pull us away from what we know"...  our inherent ability to feel pain of others and to thus want to try to stop the causes of their suffering.

We are witnessing unbearable live-streamed violations of human rights and dignity, and unbearable displays of the cruelty and hate and violence that humans are capable of. And also distorted mass-gaslighting around all the evidence that we can see with our own senses. This means trying to keep us disconnected from our senses, from our whole embodied selves, so that we stay disconnected from our empathy, compassion, and the natural connection we have with other lives.
 
It's not supposed to feel good to bear witness  to such immense violence and cruelty. To see it, to hear it, to feel the reverberations of immense suffering in our own hearts. It's supposed to make our alarms go off wildly because we are witnessing a massive disregard of human dignity and the brutal destruction of our kin and also our earth. 

Furthermore, witnessing ethnic cleansing and genocide – not only being permitted, but being supported to continue and increase –  also means danger for all of our rights and survival. 

But it's not just the current white supremacist and colonialist narratives that tell us "we aren't connected to and shouldn't care about" the suffering "over there" (whether "there" is across the street or across the world). These narratives have for generations shaped our very experiences of what it means to be a body-heart in this world. We have spent our lives and generations before us socialized to ignore, to not see, to keep fragmented, to keep distant from, to keep silent about, to feel shame around parts of our and other bodies, identities, and experiences of life. We have been taught to be disconnected from our bodies and breath and each other and the land, and yet... And yet, the felt-sense of connection still lives in our body-hearts, in a deeper place than what has been suppressed and fragmented by all the conditioning towards disconnection, competition, suppression. Despite layers of personal, generational, and social traumas. In the same way that to really feel the breath also means feeling that it is both inside me and outside and that these breaths are shared with so many other beings, to return to embodiment is to return to the embodied-knowing of the connection with others and with the land itself. And the right of return cannot be revoked.

Disconnection and generations of trauma and supremacy-conditioning have led us here, and everything I know in my mind and body and from the wisdom-teachers of our times tells me that the path forward has to be through the discomfort of returning, releasing, relearning, re-feeling, accountability, repair, and reconnection. Reconnection with the delicateness of life. Reconnection with grief and space for the grief of the past that has never been processed so continues to create domination and violence in the present. Reconnection with solidarity. Reconnection with nature and the land that we belong to (not the other way around) - and all this happens only through reconnection with our own bodies and layers and deeply-feeling hearts.

What do you need in order to be able to choose to stay with, and move more in, the wisdom of your body? To keep returning home into the compassionate heart that is big enough to keep feeling and loving despite all that is unbearable right now?

What do you need to be able to stay connected to the place in your own body-heart that can feel the constant heart break all around? What does it mean to let our hearts crack open each day as the cost of caring about others, keeping alive our capacity to feel the world, and our ability to feel our interconnection?  What does it mean as the structural costs become higher and there are more consequences externally for many people living authentically or speaking out or wanting others to be safe and free? I am constantly asking myself these questions and do not always know the answers nor the actions. Except that for me (and my social positioning and privileges) I know the cost of just silence is too high – both for my soul (the disconnection from my values and shutting out my body’s ability to feel) but also for my own possibilities of freedom and survival. 

Liberation is collective, and returning to our embodied selves again and again is part of the continual practice of saying "No" to this 500-year history of white supremacist colonialist stories of separation and domination that live through our bodies. A constant practice of awareness and saying “No” and unwinding, to these threads that have been and are constantly being wound around us, strangling our abilities to be whole, connected, and free – and in some cases, to just be alive. 

It doesn't mean we need to or can be constantly in a state of overwhelm. So what do you need, in terms of rest, in terms of resources, to be able to stay connected to your wholeness and humanity? To come back into regulation as balance, as movement, as the ability to feel and feel-with? By coming back to our centers again and again, by resourcing in the different ways that we need to, by re-learning rest, by getting and giving support to each other, by trying to learn again how to collectively grieve, we can practice connecting, unwinding, bearing witness, speaking up, seeing and listening to each other and ourselves. We can strengthen our abilities to hear our internal wisdom and to move from this place in the world. As a continual practice. 

And hopefully be part of the collective voice saying "No" to all these unbearable injuries to human dignity and this earth's sustainability, and become parts of the collective body weaving towards our collective liberation

Looking forward to supporting you coming home a bit more into your own body-heart groundedness, into your discomfort, grief, letting go, and wisdom. So that you can feel more free to feel and move in your own full truths.  And so we can keep grieving and working together, each in our own ways, towards a dismantling of systems of brutality and disconnection, and towards our collective liberation. 

~Rachel  

​15 May 2025
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On Embodiment and Bearing Witness

11/1/2024

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We are trained to be disembodied by Western/Global North societies that put mind over matter and treat these components of life as fully separate.  There is not only separation but also domination with this dualism; since Plato, through Descartes and 20th century scientific reductionism, “inferior” matter has been tied not just to bodies, but to the female, to nature, and to any cultures not embracing the same level of disembodiment (the "savage" or "primitive" verses the "civilized" disembodiment). 
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But the “problem” with embodiment, other than how much we are trained to cut it off, is the problem of feeling that comes with it. Because to truly feel our own bodies means we open ourselves to notice our physical and emotional discomfort and pain: current pain and past pain that we haven’t processed or grieved yet. Or traumas that we carry through our bodies and genes from past generations (there has been research done into the physiological imprints of trauma across generations). Or the traumas of societal oppressions constantly choking our thoughts and body tissues and actions.

And beyond whatever layers of our our pain we’ve cut off, to truly feel from within our bodies can be A LOT because it also means we make ourselves open to feeling the suffering of others. Because our bodies, hearts, and nervous systems are built to help us know how others are feeling by giving us some of this feeling ourselves; we are built to feel and celebrate others' joys, and we are built to respond to cries for help, pain, and suffering in ways that support collective safety. Audre Lorde said, "Our feelings are our most genuine path to knowledge."

And right now, there is so much suffering of others to feel. And to feel the suffering of others is to be moved, to want that suffering to stop. As embodied resiliency teacher/ activist Nkem Ndefo says, “There is no such thing as apolitical somatics.”

This is why it is important, if we are re-entering into this relationship with our bodies (and the feelings and layers of information and connection to others and the world that they give us) that we pace ourselves. Or "pendulate", a term from Somatic Experiencing. This means touching in to areas of ourselves that are shut down or intensely-feeling, and then stepping back to pause and make sure our nervous systems aren’t getting overwhelmed by the flood of new (that’s usually actually old, buried) information that we’re letting back into conscious awareness. Then feeling in again when we are regulated and ready. It can be tempting to rush in with a sense of urgency, but precisely because rediscovering these exiled parts of ourselves and our ability to feel is so important, it is necessary to pendulate. 

Because if we get overwhelmed, we’ll go into high stress activation or shut down, neither of which can help us to digest and incorporate the new information, and which can perpetuate habitual trauma responses. This is also a good reason why it’s often helpful to have support, help to hold space and bear witness to the sensations, energy, and emotions that can arise when we’re getting back “in our bodies”. Someone holding a safe space helps us to be able to be with difficult things and relax into them, helps by co-regulating our nervous system, and helps us to be able to pace. And there are many types of supports that can be helpful, whether it’s somatic bodywork, indigenous teachings, guided meditation retreats, support from nature, yoga, working with a spiritual teacher, compassion-based or social-justice oriented therapists, sacred medicine guides, craniosacral therapists, mindful chanting and voice guides, acupuncture, etc... Often multiple approaches can be most helpful.
 
So, with support, we can grow our capacities to bear witness to our own sensations, emotions, discomfort, and pain. Our aliveness. And as we increase our capacity to bear witness to our own feelings while staying grounded, we increase our capacity to bear witness to the feelings and sufferings of others also. To witness and honor their aliveness. Including when that aliveness is in the forms of intense pain or grief. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about the meaning of bearing witness; how, in the same way it doesn’t mean we force ourselves to view all the layers and levels of pain within ourselves at once, my intuition tells me it is not wise to try to bear witness all the time to all the violence and hatred that is happening in the world right now, especially in moments when that would completely overwhelm our nervous systems into shut down or trigger our own (personal or generational) traumas into joining in with the reactivity and violence that we object to. Because we can no longer bear witness (for our internal parts or for the pain of others) if we are shut down, or if we are in extreme sympathetic nervous system activation and our own trauma reactivities are triggered. We can’t bear witness if we can no longer feel from within our own body-hearts in order to feel-with the suffering of others. (We can intellectualize about it, but from my own experience, this is a completely different flavor from bearing witness, and much more prone to joining our own trauma-patterns into the mess, or trying to “help” in ways that reproduce domination patterns, such as "white saviorism"). And to remember that our modern access to so much information from all over the world, including being able to witness so much global suffering, is something our (often) slow-processing nervous systems are not built for. However, trying to keep or return ourselves to regulated states so that we can stay embodied, so that we can keep feeling the world, is not the same thing as choosing to keep blinders on to the world. It is not the same thing as isolating ourselves in a comfort that denies a broader reality. 

So how can we practice a form of wellness and rest and self-care that supports us growing our capacity to bear witness to our inner emotions and to the emotions of others--including grief--rather than a form of "wellness" that is consumeristic and isolating, only about feeling good all the time, which in reality further cuts off our capacities to feel? Can we tend to our needs and regulation, so that we can stay balanced and kind as we moved through the world? So that we can be as open as is possible within our capacities each day, allowing ourselves the rest and support and practices that we need for this?  

My sense is that bearing witness is a call, a request of us to stay human in the face of so much inhumanity, so that other humans can know they matter and are not alone. So that we too can know this through our own embodied aliveness. Part of relearning embodiment is learning this skill of listening to our needs for pacing, for rest, for support, and the feelings of dysregulation and regulation in the body. So that we maintain—and over time expand—our capacity to keep feeling and to keep being moved by the suffering of others.  Which means we allow time for regulating, and for feeling grief and joy and dreams, when there is capacity for feeling them. And it also means acknowledging our own privilege. That it is privilege—and not our inherent specialness or permanent safety—to not be in the same situations of danger, violence, oppression, grief, or pain that we are bearing witness to, even if we also have our own suffering. And when we are bearing witness to immense violence or injustice, this can be terrifying to admit: that with a turn of fate, we too could be suffering in the same ways. Bearing witness means recognizing how fragile our lives also are.

To feel our own body-hearts means we also feel a part of the terror and grief and powerlessness that we bear witness to; the powerlessness to stop hurricanes hitting, floods and wildfires bringing destruction, the loss of towns and lives within hours; the powerlessness to stop the bombs falling on city centers, to stop bombs from targeting children playing football in the street, patients in hospitals, doctors, journalists, aid workers; the powerlessness to stop the famines and diseases taking so many lives secondary to the military violence in Gaza, Sudan, Congo, Tigray, Lebanon… ; the powerlessness in the face of indifference from so called “leaders”, who choose to shrug their shoulders or participate in victim-blaming, even while they also participate actively in the violence, who chose instead racist devaluing of the basic dignity and worth of so many hundreds of thousands of lives. 

To bear witness with our body-hearts means we open to the grief of this immense suffering. Also to feeling how mortal and fragile, and sometimes powerless we are. 

If I bear witness, I let myself feel the pain of others and the pain of the reality that I am not invincible, that whatever violence and injustice continues to be tolerated in the world, I too could experience. That when those lives and dignity are devalued, so is mine.

But we’re so much more fragile when we aren’t able to handle acknowledging or feeling our fears and grief. Because to do that we have to block ourselves from parts of our bodies, block our emotional aliveness, disavow parts of our past, and deny parts of reality. To do this means we keep ourselves disconnected from our wholeness, and don’t let our naturally-human fear and grief metabolize.  It stays stuck in us, hidden, but still motivating us in shadow ways. We keep our own aliveness small, including our capacity for joy, and our capacity for empathy. So we cut ourselves off from parts of ourselves and in doing so disconnect ourselves from others. We become “us”, and those we cannot feel become “them” (which can also of course be the “them” of specific disavowed parts of ourselves, such as the strong correlation between homophobia and repressed sexuality). And when we do this, we’re so, so much more dangerous to others. You can only laugh as children are blown to pieces and entire villages are exploded if you cannot feel the incomprehensible pain that your actions cause. Only if you do not let yourself feel your own body and emotions. Only if you do not recognize your own traumas’ needs to be seen and held and grieved with.

It is so, so important, for ourselves and for others, that we keep ourselves able to feel and digest our pain. To allow for our grief. And to recognize the grief of others. 

So do what you need to do to keep feeling.

Do what you need to keep coming back into your body, to keep yourselves regulated, to ground yourself. And to keep processing the pain of being alive. So you can also keep feeling the joy and beauty of being alive. And so that your shadow-traumas and areas with numbed-empathy do not become part of the violent trauma cycles we are currently witnessing the horror of. 

Bear witness to this aching world as much as you are able in different moments, and also let yourself rest. Get support. Let beauty in. Find ways to resource and stay grounded, so that you can keep feeling yourself, so that you can keep feeling others, so that you can keep alive your capacity to grieve, so that you can keep alive your capacity for joy and love, so that you stay alive in your humanness.  

Our grief is both personal and collective. As is our humanity.

As is our freedom.


With great care for whatever is alive for you these days,
and with openness to support and feel-with your embodiment,
pacing, groundedness, letting go, grieving, and aliveness.
Thank you for all you are doing to stay human.

~Rachel   
​1 November 2024  
   
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    Rachel Sever, trauma-informed somatic practitioner, lifelong learner, ever aspiring anti-colonialist, antiracist, embodied heart. 

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